I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
