Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
