I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
