she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
