She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize