I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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