do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
