I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
