even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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