After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
