Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Holy sore nipples Batman
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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