my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize