dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Need sex. Gaining weight.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
