I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
