Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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