Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
