When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
