Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Just puked most of my soul out..
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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