i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
