sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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