I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize