i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
