I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
