Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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