i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
