I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
