My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
