I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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