He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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