So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just puked most of my soul out..
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
