well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
