Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
