His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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