you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize