thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
