Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
