If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
