At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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