before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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