someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
