Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
