Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize