hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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