I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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