i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
