Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
