I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
