Can i not drive my cunt home
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
