I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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