Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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