its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize