I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
