I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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