I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
