i love accidental penises.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
