Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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