So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
