Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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