Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
