i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
