The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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