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• (940): View more from Texas

  I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.

  Fav 18 10884 2507

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  How did you break your hand eating pizza?

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Boxes are hard to see rocks through.

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• (204): View more from Manitoba

  Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus

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• (352): View more from Florida

  Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life

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• (239): View more from Florida

  I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"

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• (585): View more from New York

  They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.

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