Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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