I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
