broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
When are your genitals available?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
