its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
