I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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