I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
