If i could tip my vagina, i would.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
